11 February 2024

In a surprising, if not controversial decision, Windows95man has won Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu 2024 with No Rules! He and vocalist Henri Piispanen will represent Finland at the Eurovision Song Contest in Malmö, Sweden, in May. The two favourites of Sara Siipola (Paskana) and Cyan Kicks (Dancing With Demons) finished second and fourth respectively, and while it can’t be argued that the winner was not deserving, the strange voting system of UMK saw Windows95man leap from last place after the jury vote to first overall and beat Sara Siipola, who won the jury vote. Sara then ultimately finished second with the public.

Before the public vote was read I reminded myself that 250 points would be a big score, then bang, 285 points suddenly for Windows95man. It was all over. Windows95man flipped a 42 point deficit after the jury vote into a 40 point margin, to win 313 to 273. Sara Siipola with Paskana took a respectable 203 points from the public while Cyan Kicks with Dancing With Demons, second after the jury, was battered with just 80 points.

Part of the big swing following the jury vote is due to only seven entries, so points gaps are relatively small compared to the big fields at Eurovision. The real culprit is actually that juries only had a 25% of the power versus 75% of the Finnish public. It makes you wonder the point of a jury. Whatever their desired effect is meant to be, it can’t be achieved if their power is diminished so much. Here was Sara Siipola getting all excited when receiving so many points through the jury phase, and it was all for nothing. There’s no more truth in the phrase “everything can change” before revealing the public results than there is with such a system. Then watch the outcry in the rare year a 25% jury vote actually denies the wish of the 75% public vote! It will be mayhem. The jury under this system simply adds nothing except to fill time and create fake drama. Perhaps that’s the point.

Then there’s the Eurovision Song Contest itself. In 2023, they abandoned juries for the semi finals so the Finnish public, knowing a frivolous fun song will appeal more to the ESC public than something artistic like Sara Siipola’s Paskana, will choose the option with the greater chance to reach the grand final. Finns are also known to be shy or insecure – afraid of how others might perceive them. This notoriously manifested in 2020 when Erika Vikman and her Finnish disco classic, Cicciolina, lost to Aksel Kankaanranta’s stale, generic English language song, Looking Back. So there’s much less risk sending a guy in no pants than a woman singing in Finnish, even if it’s a masterpiece.

For what it’s worth, by my crude calculations of reducing the public score by two thirds, Sara Siipola wins 138 to 123 under a 50/50 system. Her public points go from 203 to 68 to add to her 70 points from the jury. For Windows95man, his public points go from 285 to 95 to add to his 28 from the jury. As frequent readers would know, I’ve railed against international juries for years, and I’m all for Finland wanting Finns to decide their national final winner. Just do it properly. Don’t inflict us with this charade.

Results

1 Windows95man – No Rules! – 313 (28/285)
2 Sara Siipola – Paskana – 273 (70/203)
3 Mikael Gabriel x Nublu – Vox populi – 178 (42/136)
4 Cyan Kicks – Dancing With Demons – 128 (48/80)
5 Jesse Markin – Glow – 110 (34/76)
6 Sexmane – Mania – 108 (34/74)
7 Sini Sabotage – Kuori mua – 65 (38/27)

Review & Score

1 Sini Sabotage – Kuori mua (5)

Interesting start to the performance by immediately suggesting a murderer. Near the end came an alteration in appearance, presumably to avoid capture for the crime. The song was alright with a pleasant vibe, and mostly let down by a weak chorus.

2 Cyan Kicks – Dancing With Demons (8)

This didn’t kick as expected. Too choreographed and it looked unnatural. Rock bands really should be throwing themselves around and rocking out the stage. The song’s key strengths also came quite late, and while Susanna Saarinen is vocally strong (and hot), she couldn’t do enough to lift it to a winning chance. The low result from the public is understandable upon reflection. The international jury rated Cyan Kicks second, and they were definitely vying for second best on the night for me.

3 Jesse Markin – Glow (4)

Nice, glowing visual effects, and the song not too bad for this style. It got too repetitive by end. Somehow the nutty Swedish jury gave it 12 points.

4 Mikael Gabriel x Nublu – Vox populi (7)

This was a lot of fun, with great visuals and innovative staging. Who knew that Finnish and Estonian rap could work so well?

5 Sara Siipola – Paskana (9)

Sara gave great insight to this power anthem in the interview prior to the performance. It’s about struggling with great loss and wondering how the world can go on normally while you’re a complete wreck. The staging was nothing I expected, and the swaying light during the second verse became annoying. I also felt Sara looked a little stiff, especially during those short musical interludes, and some dramatic arm and body moves would have enhanced the drama. Other than that, Sara nailed it. The epic vocals and staging effects really portrayed the swirl of emotion one feels in these situations. I shed a couple of tears. The English commentator later joked, “How many Sara’s does it take to change a light bulb? Just one.”

6 Sexmane – Mania (8)

A powerful song and performance that was staged the best of the night with that novel and interesting use of those tethers. Mania was always the closest to the chaos and eclectic nature of last year’s winner, Cha Cha Cha by Käärijä, and no doubt those tethers were homage to the tethers Käärijä used on his dancers.

7 Windows95man – No Rules! (7)

Completely bonkers! No doubt the pants (or lack of them) gimmick for Windows95man lifted it enough to win UMK 2024 despite the song on the weaker side. The entertainment value was simply compelling, and it had me giggling, even during the reprisal. In an interview after the event, Windows95man (real name Teemu Keisteri) described the win as “absolutely utopia”. Victory came as a complete surprise, resigned to thinking third place and getting drunk would be sweet enough.

There’s been some high scoring UMK shows in recent years, with 7.1 last year, 7.3 in 2022 and 7.6 in 2021 (every song scored 7 or 8). This year it’s 6.9. Jesse Markin and Sini Sabotage dragged the team down.

My Top 7

1 Sara Siipola – Paskana (9)
2 Sexmane – Mania (8)
3 Cyan Kicks – Dancing With Demons (8)
4 Windows95man – No Rules! (7)
5 Mikael Gabriel x Nublu – Vox populi (7)
6 Sini Sabotage – Kuori mua (5)
7 Jesse Markin – Glow (4)

The major change from my preview is Sara Siipola jumping from second to first and Sexmane jumping from fourth to second. That bumps Cyan Kicks from first to third. It was always a close decision between Sara Siipola and Cyan Kicks as to my favourite this year, and I planned to let their UMK performances be the ultimate decider. Well done Sara and congratulations Windows95man. Let’s party like it’s 1995!

Finland: UMK 2024 – Preview & My Top 7