16 November 2023

It’s been a long period of decompression following the 2023 Eurovision Song Contest in Liverpool that it’s almost become a period of decomposition. Who the hell won anyway? Oh, yeah, Loreen from Sweden with Tattoo. With the surge of support for Finland’s Käärijä with Cha Cha Cha, the event became one of such peak drama that I probably sat in an elevated state of excitement and enchantment for much longer than normal. Without harping on it too much again, there was also that terrible, flat sound of the broadcast. Where I’d normally watch the contest all over again within a few weeks, I shoved aside that idea and waited and hoped the DVD would provide the aural oomph required. Once it arrived, it then became an onerous task to turn on the player, slide in the disc, and change the TV source to the DVD player, to begin watching it. What is it will us these days? It’s such a world of convenience that we get so lazy over the most simplest of activities.

With Junior Eurovision approaching, time began to dictate my requirement to watch Eurovision 2023 again so I could do these awards. My DVD player (a PlayStation 3) contains an internal volume control, and that was already on maximum as the volume in DVD and Blu-ray discs is typically mastered at a low level. Generally your TV volume needs to be way higher watching movies on DVDs than regular TV. Where my soundbar was turned up to its highest level of 99 for the broadcast (and that still wasn’t loud enough), 50 was enough for the DVD, while 20 to 30 is the range for mostly everything else. It was really good to actually hear ESC this time, and I mean really hear it.

Mr Eurovision Awards

The Cool Vibes Awards for Best Song

The winner is…

Lithuania – Monika Linkyte – Stay

Eurovision was so long ago that I actually forgot my favourite of the year. It was actually Finland first and Israel second (both awarded scores of 9 out of 10), with Lithuania next on 8 with Estonia, France and Azerbaijan. The break not only allowed me to watch ESC 2023 quite fresh again, it provided a new appreciation of the entries, and Lithuania definitely resonated the most. Perhaps that magical incantation of “Čiūto tūto” worked on me? It simply is a most beautiful and enchanting song, with Monika herself so lovely, and the presentation was stylish in its simplicity and charm. It was one of the few songs I watched twice on the DVD (the semi final and grand final performances), with Finland, Estonia and Israel the others.

The Tornero Award for Best Artistry

The winner is…

Armenia – Brunette – Future Lover

Instinctively, I would have put Sweden (Loreen – Tattoo) as that LED screen prop she lay between lifted a rather generic song into something amazing. That was at Melodifestivalen. In Liverpool, it was a different story, as she was required to use a much smaller prop and that was detrimental to the overall impact. Even had Liverpool been my first time seeing Sweden, there’s no guarantee they would beat Armenia anyway. Armenia and Brunette was a classic example of how a solo artist, through ingenuity and style, can shrink the giant stage to make a powerful and impactful presentation. Watching again I remembered this feeling at the time, and felt it again. Brilliant stuff. Georgia was another that did this well, particularly with the giant screen pillars to frame the artist.

The Open Your Heart Award for Best Pure Song

The winner is…

Azerbaijan – TuralTuranX – Tell Me More

Even though it was a disappointment at Eurovision, Tell Me More was easily my favourite, and the most interesting, song this year.

The Lenna Kuurmaa Award for Best Voice

The winner is…

Switzerland – Remo Forrer – Watergun

Tough year this one, and I’m almost certain it’s the first time I selected a man. I much prefer the female voice. Anyway, Remo really stood out with his deep and piercing voice.

The Polina Gagarina Award for Best Vocals

The winner is…

Estonia – Alika – Bridges

No contest this year as Alika was stunning and showed so much range, character and control. She was so good that I was almost tempted to replace Polina Gagarina with Alika as the person the award is named after.

The Igranka Award for Biggest Surprise

The winner is…

Cyprus – Andrew Lambrou – Break A Broken Heart

With some powerful vocals and a strong presentation, this improved the most for me following its Eurovision performance and was an easy pick to reach the grand final.

The Lost And Found Award for Biggest Disappointment

The winner is…

Greece – Victor Vernicos – What They Say

This is a disappointment in that Greece is one country that consistently delivers, turning average songs into memorable performances. Here we had a decent song turned into a train wreck. Still I have no idea why Victor was jumping all over the stage like he was a boxer preparing to fight while dealing with a swarm of bees stuck in his underwear. Bizarre. Of course, Azerbaijan failing to deliver was a major disappointment. They’re another country that typically elevate their songs. Both countries needed a more intimate performance, while Azerbaijan also ensure their guitar straps are properly connected. One did break, which didn’t help the cause.

The Piret Järvis Award for Hottest Girl

The winner is…

Salena from Teya & Selena – Austria

As much as Noa Kirel from Israel was stunning and Blanka from Poland (despite the heavy makeup) an obvious beauty, it’s Salena, the blonde half of Teya & Salena, who won my heart over the months. Full name Selina-Maria Edbauer, there’s a real sweetness to her that adds to her pretty smile and huggable round shape. Not that she’d probably enjoy it, because she seems to be gay, and notably went to Vienna Pride in June with just the red corset from Eurovision.

The Victor Crone Award for Hunkiest Guy

The winner is…

Danny Estrin from Voyager – Australia

The band’s lead singer, Danny had the hair and the charisma to win this easily. He was diagnosed with cancer in September that required immediate treatment, so best wishes to him to win that fight.

The Nina Sublatti Award for Best Outfit

The winner is…

Israel – Noa Kirel

A stunning outfit that showcased her sublime body in a stylish, not a sleazy, way. Armenia’s Brunette and Czechia’s Vesna were similarly very stylish.

The Marija from Eye Cue Award for Worst Outfit

The winner is…

Finland – Käärijä

Worst or most iconic? Either way, the green bolero worn by Käärijä certainly won’t be forgotten. Nor will his iconic performance. Cha Cha Cha! Let 3 from Croatia were probably the real worst dressed. Just a horror display to match a horror song. Theodor Andrei from Romania wasn’t much better, while the only thing more beige that Greece’s Victor Vernicos’ performance was his outfit.

The Salena Award for Best Personality

The winner is…

Austria – Salena

With the award now named in her honour, the blonde half of Salena & Teya proved the most captivating personality this year, and obviously ever. Previous holder was Natalia Gordienko (Moldova 2021).

The Tick-Tock Award for Biggest Semi Final Injustice

The winner is…

Georgia – Iru – Echo

Iru was unlucky to be in the more even second semi final, where she finished 12th. It’s hard to make a case to throw any of the finalists out to make a position for her, whereas in the first semi final, which was really top heavy with some major favourites, I could easily throw out Serbia, Portugal, Croatia and Switzerland, who finished 10th to 7th, and even Moldova in fifth.

The Estonian Stacked Shipping Container Award for Best Postcard

The winner is…

Israel

The postcards linked various sites between the three relevant countries – Ukraine, United Kingdom and the performing country – and here we got Urytski Rocks, Stonehenge and Masadam, along with the majestic beauty of Noa Kirel herself. Next favourite would be for Czechia, which linked outdoor mazes in the respective countries.

The Public Vote Smackdown Award for Best Moment

The winner is…

Duncan Laurence – You’ll Never Walk Alone

The final section of the Liverpool Songbook interval act, this left an indelible impression and reduced many people to tears. It was great for Duncan, too, as he missed out on performing at his home event in 2021 when he tested positive for Covid-19. Second pick was the 21 points that Australia received from the public. As was similar to the zero point sequence in 2021 for which this category is named, Australia got slammed yet again with very low points from the public compared to the jury. Only in 2019 was the difference close. Instead of sulking as some previous artists did, the crew from Voyager laughed it off and embraced it as a “that’s Eurovision” moment. Classic!

The Loreen Award for Winning Eurovision Twice

The winner is…

Sweden – Loreen – Tattoo

Unbelievable that I haven’t sneaked Sweden as a winner anywhere, so a special award this year for winning Eurovision twice. She’s only the second artist to do so, with Johnny Logan from Ireland the first.

Australian TV Ratings and Australia’s Future

The live grand final average of 202,000 is the first time over 200,000 since the 302,000 in 2016. The repeat on Sunday night was 181,000, which is the second lowest ever behind 165,000 in 2021 and is a mere fraction of the record 595,000 in 2013. That’s probably why broadcaster SBS has been signalling Australia won’t seek further invitations to participate now that their previous deal has expired. Prime time ratings are far more important than early morning, and the fact is Eurovision was far more successful and profitable for SBS when it could corral the audience into their weekend delayed broadcasts and when Australia wasn’t participating. Participation costs a substantial fee in the first place, plus it forces the broadcaster to show the event live, which obviously affects prime time figures.

For the live semi finals, Australia’s one rated 63,000. No figure was available for the first semi final. For the repeats on Friday and Saturday night, respectively, semi final 1 rated 191,000 and semi final 2 rated 236,000. Note that SF2 in 2015 on a Saturday night attracted 640,000 viewers.

More about the category title holders

Liverpool 2023: Loreen with Tattoo wins her second title for Sweden – Grand Final Review